1. You can all ready wear everything you want and do anything you want.
There are no “weight police”. There is no “you must be this weight to ride the rollercoaster of life”. They make crop tops in XL’s and in XS’s for a reason. You could be 80 pounds heavier and you would still be able to wear whatever the hell you want to. Fuck anyone who says otherwise. And, trust me, you could be rail thin and people would still rag on you. What matters is that YOU like what you’re wearing.
2. Stop weighing yourself. That’s it, end of story.
3. Your weight is not synonymous with your body shape. I’ve been 114 lbs at 5’6”, and there are girls I know that are the same height and weigh 150 lbs and are by all measurements smaller than I ever have been. Your weight also is not synonymous with the amount of fat you have in your body. I’ve weighed 120 lbs and had 20% body fat, and I’ve been 120 lbs and had 16% body fat— which is a big difference. Your weight is a conglomeration of your hair, water, skin, organs, muscles, fat, bones— everything.
4. Skinnier does not equal healthier. What you want to be is the healthiest you that you can be, in body and mind.
5. Fix the mind and you fix the body. Holy hell, I don’t know how many times I’ve had to learn and re-learn that for myself. You can find a post I made about that here: http://illusoryacid.tumblr.com/post/67363578156/illusoryacid-my-ootd-still-loving-this
Until you learn to love and accept yourself, weight loss and muscle toning is simply not going to happen the way you want it to— flat out, completely honest. At the end of the day, you are still you with all of your problems— regardless of what size you are. If you aren’t happy now, you will NOT be happy at a smaller size. Trust me, I learned that the incredibly hard way.
6. You need to take into consideration genetics. Some people, thanks to their genetics, aren’t going to get magical six pack abs. If that’s a thing you’re going for— you may have to get real with yourself about that. Having “goal bodies” that aren’t your own is completely, entirely unrealistic. Tons of people simply can not get a massive amount of ab definition, and everyone’s abs, arms, legs, butts, etc. look different. Further more, if you have a uterus going on, you’re going to have fat on your lower stomach. That’s just a thing, you’re not going to get rid of that. Moreover, don’t aspire to get rid of that. You actually really, really need lower stomach fat to protect the reproductive organs.
Take it from my mother who had six pack abs and then got pregnant. It was not good times trying to go through pregnancy and birth with a low fat percentage and heaps of stomach muscle with very little stomach fat.
7. Weight doesn’t determine your cuteness. Your cuteness determines your cuteness.
That all being said, I can totally understand how gaining 15 lbs is a bit uncomfortable— but it shouldn’t be more than a bit. 15 lbs is the average weight gain of freshmen in college, and if you’ve weighed less before, you can weigh less again. So long as your former weight was healthy for your body to maintain, it can go back to that rather comfortably.
If I were you, I wouldn’t even worry about that right now though. Focus on your mind first. Take some time out to relax, as long as it takes, until you can reach a level of self acceptance where you feel comfortable seeing your body— and then focus on your fitness. In the meantime, eat clean and healthily and give your body lots of vitamins (especially the B vitamins, to help keep you happy). Try getting into something like yoga to help with your flexibility and meditation, because having strong flexibility is an incredible asset to your health and fitness, and when you’re ready to get into fitness training you can do so more safely.