This blog is here to honour the life of Olivia Jane Penpraze, who took her life in April, 2012, due to a desperate and difficult fight with mental illnesses. This is a place to ask for advice, to vent, a place to come when you need someone else to be strong. A place to come when you need kind words, A place to come to when you need someone to stand up, and show you how to keep holding on, to show you how to get the help that is needed. <3

To chat with specific admins go to the "Who We Are" page for their skype/personal blogs/etc !

To find a suicide helpline in your country, visit http://www.befrienders.org/


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Posted: September 9st
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Reach Out
We are here to answer messages regarding any problem you are facing.  We don&#8217;t promise to solve every problem, but we do promise to lend a kind and nonjudgmental ear for when you need it most.  Reach out.
-Louise &lt;3

SUICIDAL? AFRAID? HURTING? READ THIS

You are a precious individual.  You are not a statistic, a number on a scale, ruler… you are you.  You are unique and blessed to be alive.

I know it’s probably easy to scroll down and pretend you haven’t read this, pretend that nothing is going to save you - that there is nothing left to live for.  Let me tell you the truth.  There is.  There is everything to live for.  

There are the beautiful changing seasons, walks along the coast, winter nights curled up in too-big jumpers.  There are the members of your family, your friends, your acquaintances, people you pass on the street nearly every day but never had the chance to say hello to yet.  

Remember that things have a habit of getting worse before they get better.

And if you can survive the worst, the best will feel absolutely amazing.

From personal experience, and I haven’t had it all that great in the recent past, things DO GET BETTER.  It’s a long road of waiting lists, different medications, different therapists, different hobbies, ways of distracting yourself… it’s a long road, yes, but it’s meaningful.  Enjoy the journey as best as you can, I know you are longing to reach the end but this road will teach you about yourself, and when you look back, you will discover that your darkest times made you the strong person you are today.

I’m writing this message to all of you. 

I’ve been absent from Our Angel Olivia for a long while now, but I’m back, and now I’m sharing the love.  I’m telling you that you don’t have to do it alone.  You don’t have to be afraid, you can reach out anonymously or personally to us, and it doesn’t stop there.  You can tell a doctor, a teacher, a friend, a parent, a brother, a sister, a cousin… don’t suffer alone.

—REACH OUT—

Our-Angel-Olivia ask box

We’re here for you.

All my love

-Louise <3

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A POSITIVE MESSAGE <3

Hey!  You can do it, everyone.  I want to tell you about my recovery as proof that you do get through it and come out the other end.  Thanks to the WONDERFUL admins on this site, who have become my friends and almost family, and thanks to all the followers, I had something to live for.  Something to get better for.  And now here I am.

I’m not going to lie: it’s not been easy.  I’ve had a rocky road, been in and out of hospital and I’m currently being treated by the home treatment team.  They have stabilised me and I have gotten over some of my addictive behaviours and allowed me to enjoy myself, for once in my life.

Tonight, I’m going out to record some tunes on my violin.  I’m making a CD!  I didn’t have the strength to do that before, heck I didn’t even get it out of the case for a month or two because I just couldn’t face it.  But life takes you in strange directions and strange places.  I reignited my passion in poetry, and won a local competition to write a poem about birds.  

Suddenly I was me again.  I went on holiday with my family while I was very ill and needed constant support, but I got through, and I enjoyed myself.  Looking back through the photos I see there were moments that I broke through, shone out from behind the mask of psychosis and depression.

I am happy today.  I understand fully that tomorrow might be different, but I am embracing the fact that today I am content.  There are still symptoms of my mental illness there, but I am coping with them.  I have got to a place where I am happy, and I think it only goes up from here.  

Acceptance is the key.

Accepting you have a mental health problem is a hard step, one I have only recently taken.  I don’t start conversations with “Hi I’m Louise and I suffer with….blah blah blah”, but I am not ashamed to say that my mental health is not as good as it could be.  It’s OK to have a mental illness.  It shouldn’t be taboo and no it shouldn’t be glamourised - it should just be OK.  So accept yourself as you are, look in the mirror and say it to yourself.  You are ok, no matter what and you’re going to get through this.

I hope this post inspires you to keep going strong.

It’s a rough ride but you get there in the end, it’s a tall mountain but you’ll reach the top, you will.  And if you just need that little bit of extra support, reach out to us.  We are a team of wonderful, caring individuals and so are our followers.  If you have a problem, REACH OUT. 

Here is a link to our ask box if you wish to discuss anything, or need help.

Here is a link to my new blog, as Smallsilverwishes is no longer updated.

And here is a message to you all:  You are beautiful, kind, caring, wonderful, inspirational human beings and you should go easy on yourself.  Do your best, and if in doubt reach out for help.  Someone will answer you.

All my love. (and how I’ve missed helping out on this blog)

-Louise <3

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Posted: January 1th
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smallsilverwishes:

My Message to You
Keep strong, hold on tight with all your might because you never know when things are going to get better.  Keep aiming for those stars you are trying reach because you never know how much taller you’re going to be tomorrow.
Louise
Posted: January 1th
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Posted: January 1th
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So, I want to start this project, and I need your help!

illusoryacid:

The idea is simple
For all of you who have been bullied or have been the BULLY-- Send in clips of some of the worst things that someone has bullied you for/said to you/done to you, or you toward others. Write it down on a piece of paper or queue card and hold it up for your camera/webcam!

Keep your clips short!
I’m going to be putting all of these together into ONE video. Submit one or two of your worst experiences, and then a positive message such as “Stop the abuse”, “talk to someone”, or whatever encouraging statement you can think of!

For those of you that are willing to help and listen to people, feel free to also add you holding up a queue card with your URL on it!
It would be SO awesome if I could get a bunch of clips from you all!

Deadline: January 28th, 2012

Send clips to this e-mail: tpnw@hotmail.ca

reblog this as much as you can so that everyone out there who’s been through these kinds of things can have the chance to speak out! :)

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Anonymous: why does self harm become an addiction and how can i know if i became addicted to it?

Good question, I like this question.

Self have can become an addiction like anything can be an addiction. There’s honestly no such thing as a non-addictive substance or action, everything can be habit forming, and from there it can become an addiction.

Self harm does present some physical addictive attributes. Although most withdrawal symptoms and pains are largely psychosomatic, and the addiction itself is largely psychological— the difference is in the chemicals. When you inflict harm upon yourself chemicals spike in your brain such as adrenaline and you produce a fair amount of endorphines, much like you do when you exercise. (Exercising is an amazing alternative to self harm because it largely produces the same chemicals self harm does, only its healthier and longer lasting.) People become addicted to the chemical rush that’s happening in their brain, along with just the simple habit. There was a long period in my life where it just became scheduled; every night before bed I self harmed. It didn’t matter if I was upset or not, it was just a completely casual thing. Because it had become a part of my bed time routine, without it I grew antsy and couldn’t sleep. As you add habit-forming addictions into your life, by stopping suddenly you leave a hole. I had to add new habits into my bed time routine to get out of the self harming habit. Leaving that area of your life as an empty hole becomes incredibly emotionally difficult and can lead to serious relapse. It’s all just in training your brain to start recognizing a different activity as the same habit.

Knowing if you become addicted to something seems like it would be very straight forward, but it’s often not that simple. Many people will be in denial about addictions. Habits are about control, it’s a part of your life that when everything else is hectic, you feel like you’re completely in control of that one thing such as self harm. When someone tries to deny you that, it arouses some pretty huge conflict.  The best signs are kind of like within what I had experienced.

Try and recognize certain things:

  • Do you do it at the same time every day?
  • Are you doing it without given “reason” to?
  • Can you continue your day/night normally without it?
  • Do you feel anxious if you miss the time you would usually self harm?
  • Do you deny others emotions or opinions on your self harm?
  • Is it effecting your level of functioning?

Answering yes to one or more of these questions may indicate that you’re addicted.

Beating an addiction, albeit difficult, is certainly not impossible! Check out some alternatives and talk to a counselor about it. Just make sure that you do NOT quit cold turkey. Always fill that empty space of where that addiction was with a NEW habit. Aim for something healthier like drawing or painting or anything.

Stay frosty, soldier
-Tristen

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Anonymous: I feel really weak and it hurts a lot to breathe. And I feel really warm, but I'm freezing. And my dad wants me to go to the hospital. But I really, really don't wanna. The top half of my right leg is covered in cuts.. I don't know what to dooo.. Please help..

Go to the hospital. It’s better than having a lung collapse or something. Seriously. They won’t even notice your cuts dude they probably won’t even see them. I highly doubt you’d ever be exposed enough in front of someone. I basically live in the hospital sometimes and no ones ever seen areas of my body unless I allowed it or needed them to.
Just goooo. It’ll be fine once the ball gets rolling in there.

-Tristen

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Anonymous: why SHOULDNT i self harm? no one cares anyway.

Probably because you think no one cares. Sounds funny, but that’s how I’ve always been taught here. My doctors, all eleven of them, my 5 I’ve been through— they don’t care. But for incredibly good reason, because by simply not caring its not a big deal anymore. It stops being this huge, scary, impossible thing that you can’t even fathom conquering. By treating it with normality it in turn allowed me to comfortably be able to walk into a doctors office or hospital and be like “hey yeah I messed up my leg can you fix this” and receive proper medical attention. It allowed me people in professional positions to just chat with me about it. Quite literally JUST chatting, completely casual conversation. Which gave me the chance to vent, to realize why I was doing it at times and why I wasn’t at times. It stopped being a big deal, I stopped thinking of it as one, and in turn it slowed right down just all on its own. I’ve never bothered counting days, I’ve never even declaratively quit because it’s honestly been made into just such a not big deal that.. You know.. It’s just not a big deal. No one really cares enough for me to announce quitting completely and making a big deal about it. Because its not. And that’s good, I like that, for me that’s exactly how it should be. Eventually just through being so “whatever” about it, it became a hassle. It was going out of my way. A burden. Boring.

Honestly, my opinion is that by just relaxing about it and stop allowing it the glorification of being a big deal, you’ll just slowly stop on your own. Likely without evening noticing it.

You know. Additionally there’s the whole dealing with the scars after, and possible blood poisoning, infection, etc. and so on. That all really sucks too. If you want to stop for you and your health, then by all means.

Someone else shouldn’t have to care about you for you to justify caring about yourself.

-Tristen

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Anonymous: i have 2 weeks without cutting but i really missed it, i tried the alternatives but is no working i miss the cuts and scars:(

Hi love,

That’s amazing that you’ve made it two weeks. You should be truly proud of yourself! Please keep going. Aim for one day at a time and before you know it’ll have been three weeks, 4 weeks, and so on. You can beat this. I know the urges can be hard but keep trying!

Please keep trying the alternatives. Even if you have to do every single one on the list until the feelings pass. Just that distraction of knowing you have to try them all and do them all can be enough until the feelings pass by.

If your ever in trouble please talk to us and we will help distract you. Or call one of the helplines available.

Keep on fighting sweet!

Tegan xxxx

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Anonymous: I don't really know what to do anymore. I cant see myself having a future, I just want to die but I'm to scared to, everything scares me, I worry about absolutely everything even the really stupid stuff. I feel so pathetic, I cant go 1 day without cutting and its getting to the point where I end up shaking and feeling like I'm going to throw up when I eat or even when I start to worry or panic about anything. -X

love, you may not be able to see it, but you do have a future. please, don’t do anything to yourself. talk to someone about the cutting. you are not pathetic, you are sick and you need help. try to get help for your anxiety and panic. stay strong.l xoxo meghan

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Anonymous: I don't want to be in everyday life anymore.. not as in I want to kill myself..well i do but i wont right now. I want to be isolated. I cut yes, but havnt attempted suicide in a while, i feel that if i try and seek for myself professional care (e.g mental health ward's) people will find me highly ridiculous... i just don't like people. i don't want to be around them, i'm not well and they hurt me.

honey, you need to seek help. whether or not people find you ridiculous, someone will believe you and try to help you. i don’t like people either, to be honest, but sometimes you just have to deal with them. find people you don’t mind being around, people that are nice to you, people that care about you. you’re not well and you need help. please, look for some help. stay strong love. xoxo meghan

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